


The Broken Man on the Moon

by Yumoh



Series: Familia [6]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Canon Typical Violence, Gen, Lonliness, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Luther deserves better, Luther is a disaster bi (although not explored this fic unfortunately), Luther isn't a one dimensional villain you guys are just mean, Mental Health Issues, canonical death, my boy needs help, self hatred, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 13:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18074048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumoh/pseuds/Yumoh
Summary: Luther always tried to be perfect: perfect leader, perfect son, and perfect toy soldier.





	The Broken Man on the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in between the hours of 1 and 4 am please have mercy on it. This fic is a culmination of all my ranting about how underappreciated Luther was in the discord and this just flew out of my keyboard.

Luther had always loved space from when he was small. His nanny bought him a projector that cast a small universe on his ceiling. He would stare at it late into the night, murmuring all the constellation names to himself until he drifted off to sleep.

 

There were nights when he would sneak off into the backyard when everyone was asleep to gaze at the stars. Pogo, years later, would admit to knowing of this but allowing it nonetheless and hiding it from Dad. As he would gaze out into the night sky, he wondered what it would be like to be millions of miles away from all this. No more training, no more fighting, no more being number One. He could be just himself, whoever that was.

 

Once Grace became their Mom, she would read them stories before bed. On occasion, she would read tales about famous astronauts and space. Everyone else would seem bored but he would listen in rapt attention as she talked about Armstrong, black holes, dwarf planets, super novas, and rocket ships. He had never known that was a job that people could have before this. As soon as he could read well enough, he ransacked the library for any book he could find on space. It didn't matter if he had to look up every fifth word, he was in heaven. There were countless hours he would spend in his room, reading while doing his usual workout.

 

Once he asked Dad about being an astronaut and going to space one day. Luther was about eight years old and still thought that his Dad knew everything.

 

“What is it you want, Number One?” Dad said impatiently.

 

Luther, not wanting to waste Dad's time, hastily spit out, “Do you think I could go to space one day?”

 

Dad looked at him as if he had asked a stupid question and said, “Only if a mission required such an act although I doubt that will happen in the near future. Now please exit if you have no more pertinent things to report.”

 

“Yes Dad,” Luther had said before walking out of the room. He was crushed as he knew that astronaut was not his destiny as long as being a “hero” and always being “One” sat on his shoulders. He was stuck only ever to gaze at his deepest desire from a far. Dreams were something he had learned over the years that he wasn’t allowed to have.

 

He was firmly planted on the grounds. Not just because his powers meant that he was physically far denser than your average human. He had the biggest responsibility of being the leader of their team and the unofficial oldest of the group. Luther was the one who had to always agree with Dad so he wouldn't be in a foul mood. He was the one who had to go over training plans and mission instructions late into the night to make sure that there was never any flaws or chance that he would make a mistake. He was the one who had to strive to be better so that he would never fail at being what he needed to be.

 

Being One from birth was hard especially when you had one of the least impressive power sets when compared to the rest of your siblings. Diego had two powers which never failed to amaze Luther as he was like a mixture of Batman and Aquaman and how cool was that. Allison could control people's minds and actions with words, meaning that she would be a far better leader than he would be. Klaus could talk to the dead but from what Dad had told him, he probably had even more talent hiding within in him. Five was a genius and he could do spatial jumps. Ben's powers were deadly effective and he could take out as many villains as he wanted to. Everybody else in his team was honestly better than he was as he just had super strength. It seemed pretty lame at times and honest he wished he had gotten some flight related ability instead like wings.

 

Vanya didn’t have powers but to him that was also better than his lot. She could be something beyond hero or leader. In fact she could be whatever she wanted to be. He would always be number One and never astronaut. Vanya was ordinary but instead of thinking it to be a curse like everybody else seemed to think it was, he thought it was a point of envy.

 

So he struggled always to be perfect: perfect leader, perfect son, and perfect toy soldier. But Luther was never good enough as he watched it all slowly fall apart over the years. Five disappeared when they were thirteen and Dad was so mad. Luther blamed himself for not being a good enough brother to convince him not to act out. Five and him talked about science sometimes whenever Five wasn’t annoyed by his presence or so called grating personality. They would go on and on for hours about science and Luther would propose suggestions for improvements on spatial jumps but also suggested that one day his jumping could get so good he could go to space. Five had actually seemed interested in what he thought intellectually which was not something that happened often with anyone. Despite this intersection in interest they both had their goals which often pitted them against each other. Five needed to be right which meant he constantly needed to disagree with Luther on his plans and also constantly fight Dad on the limits of his abilities. Luther needed to follow orders which meant keep everyone safe and that meant try to keep them from straying too far from orders. Five had pulled the ultimate win and made Luther break both his responsibilities spectacularly, leaving him missing a brother, team member, and a reason to exist. The team that he was tasked with became increasingly unstable as they all were drifting and falling apart. As all captains of sinking ships do, he was panicked and tried desperately to make it work. But no amount of effort and training he could think of could get Klaus from getting too high for the field, Allison from dreaming of stardom, Ben from retreating further and further inwards, and Diego from being absorbed into his punk band that he was running with Vanya.

 

They were sixteen when the straw finally broke the camel's back. It had been a mission like any other and Luther had thought that he was well prepared. Dad had been letting Luther have more and more control as of late as Luther had thought that he was finally starting to think he was worthy. He had reviewed the mission plan countless times so much so that he could recite all the mission statements and describe the blueprints in perfect details down to how windows there were (six) and how many alternate escape routes he created (eighteen). It was suppose to go off without a hitch like always, with no one getting hurt who didn't deserve it. But by the end of the night, he wasn't screaming in victory but anguish over his baby brother who was clutched in his arms as he carried him into the house, screaming for anyone to help. Luther was useless so fucking useless as he was the only one of the siblings Dad allowed in the room as they watched Ben slip away on the table. Sometimes he wondered if that was Dad's punishment for failing and if it was he deserved it. He was a big failure and he knew that everyone could see it. Klaus refused to look him in the eyes anymore and when he did, Luther could see that he would never be forgiven for the new haunted look that settled into Klaus's eyes. The warm look Allison used to give him was gone replaced with the colder eyes that looked through him as if he was the last thing on her mind. Diego had never seen eye to eye to him and the night Ben died, he punched Luther over and over again and Luther just took it because Luther had killed their brother that was a fact. Vanya was the only one who didn't look at him with blame but that was because he could see that she blamed herself instead which was worse. Ben's funeral was the last time that they considered themselves a family.

 

Shortly after their seventeenth birthday, Vanya left the house. She had left a goodbye note, leaving a number and address to reach her for emergencies. Dad was not worried at all at and said that she was better off gone. But not long after followed Diego who had apparently gotten into the police academy. Then Klaus who Luther had managed to catch before he left to hand him his savings which amounted to 300 dollars and made him promise that he would use some of it for food and that he would call him if he needed anything.

 

Finally was Allison who had received a big screen offer in Hollywood. He knew that he most likely would not see her for a long time. Their relationship was the strangest one to categorize as they had always been close as children since they were the oldest brother and sister respectively but it had changed into something far less pure into their teenage years. It had taken him a long while to sort it out but he realized that he loved her but he had never been in love her. Neither of them had as they were trying desperately to chase after the idea of love and affection and then projected their ideations onto one another. It had all come to an explosive end, two months after Ben's death when they both were collapsing under the weight of their grief and no amount of lying to themselves could fix it. That is why he was also kind of glad that she was getting away because maybe with distance they could heal a little better and that is what he truly wanted for her, to be happy. She hugged him and made him promise to leave the house for more than missions and then flashed him a wobbly but genuine smile before leaving out the door.

 

So it became Luther: ~~perfect leader, perfect son,~~ and perfect toy soldier. Dad assigned him mission after mission and Luther accepted them all without fail. Vanya had published in her book that he was obedient to a fault and despite being mad about its existence, he had to agree that he was willing to follow obedience until it led him to the fault. There was no need to care about anything except getting the mission completed. It didn't matter that he hadn't slept in three days or that all his muscles protested from over exercise. The grueling conditions kept him sharp and always aware that he was to keep pushing. So what if he was constantly covered in bruises, scars, contusions, and the occasional gunshot wound, what else did he have left to lose?

 

His life apparently as he barely managed to drag his body from the exploded building of his latest mission. Luther knew that as the adrenaline died down, he would probably pass out from the pain since he could smell the nauseating smell of his own burnt flesh and he was dizzy from all the blood he lost. His arm gave out on him and he just managed to turn in time to lay on his back. He lay looking at the stars and he was once again taken with how beautiful they were. Luther was suddenly filled with regret as he wished that just once he could have gotten to go up there. But that would join the list of other regrets that he would have. He would never get to meet Claire which Allison had recently informed him would be the name of his niece. Luther also would never get to see Klaus get sober. He would never get to see Vanya play as first chair. He would never get to tell Diego that despite their childish rivalry that he had always thought he was a far better man than him. Luther would also regret disappointing Dad who would be so upset at him for dying because who else would complete missions. He felt his consciousness begin to fade and his last thought was that at least he could hopefully see Ben again and tell him how sorry he was that he let him die.

 

But that wasn't the end for him as he woke up with a gasp months laters. Luther was alive but not entirely as his humanity had died on the operating table. The person he had grown accustomed to seeing in the mirror was replaced instead with the strange ape creature who had taken his place. It wasn’t long before he covered all the reflective surfaces in the house, not able to bear looking at himself. He dressed in layers to try to cover it all up and pretend that maybe he wasn’t a freak. Luther closed his eyes even when he was dressing or bathing to avoid even a glimpse at his naked body. Dad looked at him with the same disgust like he was just another failure. That is why he was not surprised when Dad gave him a mission to the moon. Luther was excited as this was what he had wanted for the longest time but it was tainted with shame as he knew that Dad wanted him as far away from him as he could send him.

 

Luther was: ~~perfect leader, perfect son~~ , broken toy soldier, and astronaut? Space was as beautiful as he had always imagined. The heavy weight and shame he carried around daily became weightless as he could reassure himself that all his problems were hundreds of miles away from him. All he had to do was collect all the samples, record his findings, and wait for instructions. Luther hadn't anticipated the loneliness which crept in as the years passed by without talking to a single soul. That was amplified by the fact that it seemed like those on the ground had forgotten about him too as Dad on more than one occasion forgot to get him supplies on time. Luther would feel his stomach pang from hunger as he would write another note on his sample collection bags, reminding ~~begging~~ him to send food. He would count out his ration religiously after each new arrival and go over calculation after calculation on how long he could stretch them. When he wasn't fulfilling his mission, he was exploring and keeping sketches and notes. He snapped photo after photo of Earth, other planets, stars, and anything else that he could pick up. Luther was mainly gathering this for himself so that one day when he was all alone on Earth like he was destined to be, he would have something to remember this all by.

 

 

It was coming up to the end of his fourth year on the moon when Father had begun to act strange. He was leaving him messages about how he couldn't trust anyone and that he had to remember that he was suppose be the responsible one out of his siblings. Luther had found this odd but brushed it off as he didn’t think that it was anything but Dad's usual lectures about vigilance. That was until one short message ruined his life once more, “Your father has passed away. Please return immediately.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this please leave a kudo, comment, or both ;). You can find me on my tua sideblog @bisexualdisastervanya


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